CRANKY IN THE MIDDLE - Issue 1

CRANKY IN THE MIDDLE: OBSERVATIONS FROM ST. JOHN, KANSAS
Volume 1 - Issue 1 - July 28, 2006

OH WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE
I have recently come to the conclusion that our local newspaper, has in fact, become totally worthless. I don’t know what their problem is, but it seems to me that if they are going to charge a person 75 cents per issue, there had better be something newsworthy in it. I’m not asking for the quality of a New York Times or a Washington Post………..hey, I’m not even asking for the quality of the Pratt or Great Bend papers, but I do expect 75 cents worth each and every week.
The purpose of this little community newsletter is to provoke some thought, some debate and possibly to get some blood flowing through the unused parts of your brain. You don’t have to agree, you don’t have to read it, makes no difference to me, but there are some serious issues that are being bantered around this town that need some cussin and discussin.
I do not intend to publish weekly, I am a busy person who works, I intend to publish when I feel like it, so don’t expect hot off the press like clockwork. I do intend to serve as an alternative to our weekly newspaper and offer discussion and give a slightly different viewpoint to all the hub
bub going on here in town. Things I will print will be totally outrageous………I don’t care, but most will come from a slightly humorous slant, because some of the things that go on here are just plain stupid, funny, redundant and absurd………we all live here and you know what I’m talking about. So in the interest of exercising my first amendment rights…………HERE GOES!!!

THE CARRIE (IT TO FAR) NATION BRIGADE
I am wondering if it is the proper thing for a group of persons to be meeting at the library, which in fact is a part of the school, which is supported by public taxes, (some of them sin taxes too), to be strategizing about the liquor store, a very political issue around here these days? I still say these folks have WAY too much time on their hands.

I’M A CITIZEN, HOW ABOUT MY CONCERNS?
I recently read in the weekly news that there is some concern over what the life guards are wearing when working at the swimming pool…….gawd, I hope they are wearing swimming suits. Once again the morality police are on the loose.

NEVER ON SUNDAY
I see no action has been taken on the issue of Sunday sales by our city council…….I would like an explanation as to why……..a simple answer will do. I don’t want to criticize our city council, for the most part, they do a fine job, the ones that don’t do a fine job……….you know who you are.

IS ANN COULTERGEIST CRAZY OR WHAT........MY ANSWER IS YES
The recent ranting and ravings of Ann, (we’re on a first name basis), have been so bizarre that they defy common sense. First she makes fun of the 9/11 widows, really smart move there, then she says former President Clinton is a hound dog because he’s a latent homosexual. Pssst…..Ann……….homosexual means you are attracted to persons of the same sex, not the opposite sex. I guess Ann missed the classes offered on human sexuality when she was in school. She’s almost as bad as Bill O’Reilly who keeps claiming that US soldiers killed by the Germans during the battle of the Bulge are criminals…….go figure. My advice to dear Ann is to settle
down with, oh say with Rush Limbaugh….I hear he’s looking for wife number three, move to Topeka and join Fred Phelps Westborough Baptist Church. I can almost guarantee that Ann and Rush will be right at home there. I just hope they don’t procreate, in their case it would be most unlikely due to the trouble Mr. Limbaugh seems to be having lately.

HAS THE MAINLINE PRESS FINALLY PULLED THEIR HEADS OUT.....MY DOESN'T FRESH AIR SMELL GOOD?
I have noticed a change of tone in the press on television lately…..they are actually starting to ask some hard questions of their guests. From Chris Matthews to Lou Dobbs, they keep asking those who still support the economic and foreign policy of the Bush administration basic yes and no questions, and they keep getting really stupid answers. Now if you watch Fox News, (I like to call it Faux News), you still are getting stupid questions with equally stupid answers and Bill O’Reilly to boot……….now that’s a deal. I only wish they would ask one question. How long are you going to defend this administration? Just give me the date.